california driving tutorial
so driver you have moved to the state of california and are brave enough to hit the road. here are some very important rules that you should know before you take it to the streets.

1. to paraphrase bob newhart on conan: you can't signal when you want to change lanes because that tips off the other driver giving them the chance to speed up and not let you over.

2. those giant white arrows pointing right on the ground are not signaling the lane end. they are code for get over, speed ahead, and cut off the law abiding idiots that actually merged.

3. traveling the speed limit is not allowed. you must be going over or under.

4. motorcycles take life in their own hands. they are actually allowed to drive between lanes of traffic even on the interstate.

5. like washington, california suffers from a case of "we cause our own traffic jams to only find out there was no reason for it"

6. making a right hand turn on a green light must take at least 3-5 mins per car.

7. left hand turns are potential to crap one's pants. this is due to the fact that people making left hand turns opposite you come straight towards you before the lane turns.

8. physically holding the phone to your ear and talking while driving is illegal but, holding the phone on speaker is ok and using a bluetooth is ok.

9. sometimes the shoulder is a lane.

10. making a turn and staying in the correct lane is quite challenging.

song lyrics of the day:
i love you for your pink Cadillac
crushed velvet seats
riding in the back, oozing down the street