how do you know when you've made the right choice?
now, it doesn't take someone along time with me to figure out i don't deal well with change. patrick is moving on sunday and i've cried almost everyday since i found out. the days i haven't cried, it's because i won't let myself believe that he'll leave me. now, i know he's not leaving me but i still feel like i'm being abandoned. this morning i commited to being a nanny for my other brother, the one i don't get along with. because he lives in washington too. i'm moving across the country to be closer to patrick and that scares the living crap out of me. i haven't even told my mom any of this. she has no idea that patrick is leaving. but i guess i'll have to tell her today. especially since i'm leaving around the 13th of august. i'm excited to get out of the house again. but i'm nervous about living with them. i'll have my own downstairs apartment thing but still in their house. and i don't want to leave taylor and brogan. after being with them everyday all day, i'm gonna miss them soooo much. but i want patrick and i to work. i want to be with him. i just don't know if i'm doing the right thing. but then again it's only 4 months. my sister in law is having another baby in december so it's really only part of august, (plus i'm coming home for megans wedding-i'm in it after all)september, october, november and i can come home for thanksgiving- plus wisconsin for ellie's wedding. and then it's december so i can come home for christmas. and patrick promised me if i'm miserable we'll leave. i made sure of that long before i was even thinking about going. i'm just so worried. i'm worried that we'll break up and i'll be stuck there for nothing. i'm worried that my mom will freak out, i'm worried that i'm setting myself up for misery. i hate change. i hate decisions. i'm always so freaked out about making them that i avoid them as much as possible. everyone i've talked to that isn't related to me says that it's good i'm going to be closer to him, but my family doesn't want me to throw my life away. but he makes me happy. he supports me. he'd never want to hold me back and worries all the time about if he's ruining my life. (i didn't move to chicago to pursue dance like i planned once we started dating) but i told him the other day, if deep down i had wanted to go i would have. i don't know......i hate the unknown.